I am Ting

The moment I die

February 9th, 2007

I have been thinking about death a lot recently.

It should be a rainy as well as sunny day with bird chirping and nothing else. I don’t know how old I would be, but I would see Fannie with her beautiful eyes smiling at me.

Watching Fannie growing is like seeing more of me and even more beyond me. How much can I still grow and how will she think about me as a mother when she realizes more about the world? I sometimes think I am educating Fannie in a way that I wanted my mom treated me, more trust and more possibilities. What kind of possibilities can I lead Fannie to, and will she be strong enough to explore and to conquer?

Sometimes I don’t know where I am going to. But in front of Fannie, I have to be certain. I have fear about certainty and uncertainty. They both can blind humans’ minds. However, Fannie has been growing very well and I believe she can be full of the energy for the each day coming to her. Fannie is confident when she tells us what to do and what not to do; Fannie is content when she admires the beauty of the flowers; and she is definitely curious about everything around her when she asks how she can see Santa again.

Seeing Fannie’s confidence, content, and happiness fulfills me as a mother as well as a human being. If time stops here, I will be satisfied since what we can remember before our death is not life but moments.

I cherish these moments as a mother, and nothing is more fulfilling.

Entry Filed under: 我們的巧晴 Fannie's Stories, 向婷，About Me