明天要回家了。
在起霧的西雅圖，忍不住念著爸爸媽媽。隱藏在想念的背後，其實是一種複雜的感覺。在台灣我有二個家：新店的娘家和石牌的夫家。在不同的家裡面，定位不同，做的事和感覺也跟著不同。夫家有緊張而擅長炊煮的婆婆和風趣爛漫的公公；在娘家有緊迫盯人的媽媽、成天想公事少一根筋的爸爸，有100件事情要忙的哥哥，和努力做好媳婦角色的嫂嫂。八個月大昂昂就不知道是像哥哥還是像嫂嫂了。
還沒回到台灣，老師媽媽的指令就下了:「25號是表姊的結婚典禮，你要參加喔。大家都等著看妳喔。你就穿那件我上次給你買的裙裝。26號大家一起回新店聚餐吧……。」還沒有聽完所有的計畫，我的腦袋就不能轉了。媽媽鮮明的印象，蹦，一下就跳了出來:「如雯(我的小名)，這個拿去洗、MiQ 要綁好不要讓牠跑出來、把衣服燙一燙。要做喔。不要我回來看見什麼東西都沒做。」媽媽的言語模式沒什麼變，還是老師一個。我對爸爸的印象一直是一樣：拿著一本日文書在客廳走過來走過去，不時的下一些奇怪的註解:「不要看電視了，關掉。哪那麼多時間可以浪費，我都覺得時間不夠用。關掉關掉。…… 啊這個是在演什麼，這個是好人還壞人?」嗯，這樣的爸爸是有一點幽默的。
夫家就不同了。我這個根本沒在新房待過幾天的媳婦，事實上是很受禮遇的。媽媽家事一手包辦，還享受營養又美味的三餐。不過如果我不小心入了廚房，詢問是否有需要幫忙的，事情就大條了，因為婆婆烹煮的專業速度即使我是八爪章魚還是趕不上。媽媽可以一次升起六個爐。這邊燒水、那邊下麵；這鍋炒菜、那鍋蒸魚；這爐燉湯那爐燒雞。媽媽的指示通常是這樣的：「等這邊開了，就把這個撈到那一鍋一起煮。這邊好了，就倒到那邊拌一拌。還有，要快一點。等通通差不多了，就可以上桌了。很簡單的，就這樣，不麻煩。燒菜沒什麼難的。」我的媽呀，媽媽說那麼快，我怎麼記得清楚哪鍋是哪鍋。不過為了當個入得廚房的好媳婦，只好硬著頭皮瞎矇。不過通常的結局都是這樣的：「快，這邊開了。快, 換那一鍋。快，快… 。」只見我在廚房轉來轉去，哪一鍋都沒摸著邊，而媽媽的手就像愛德華剪刀手一樣，咻咻咻咻，一桌菜就可以開動了。」
在夫家的我即使沒有發揮實際的功用，也是緊張的；在娘家的我即使媽媽再緊張，我都不想發揮功用。儘管夫家也好娘家也罷，因為許久不見，都變得可愛。在台灣的時候，我跟媽媽常吵架。現在還真的覺得沒人唸耳朵是有一點癢。要回家了，希望這次帶著Fannie能讓爸媽們享受一下三代同堂的快樂。我想這是最實際的孝順方式了吧。
November 22nd, 2005
When you are a teacher, people get bored with your constant talking about the kids. But, it is just enjoyable to be so close to these little minds with free imaginations.
“You know what I am drawing? This is a Wild Dog and that is a Not Wild Cat.” I nodded my head when this too-much-alike Jim Carrey boy was putting down three dollar signs above the Not Wild Cat and crossing out the dollar signs with the Wild Dog. It is interesting to see dollar signs on kid’s drawings. I doubted, “Why is there no dollar sign for the Wild Dog?” “The dog is too wild. So, he cannot get the money,” he answered with an exaggerated smile. It seemed like he enjoyed taking the dog’s money away. Even though I still don’t know how the wild kid got the connection between wildness and money making, I pretty like the story he told through the picture.
This kid is wild because of the constant medication influence. He was in and out the Children’s Hospital and of course the school. There are many wild things he does or can get into which are not allowed in school. Screaming is one and smashing himself on the floor is another. Whenever there is some trouble, he either has an exaggerated slow-motion crying or runs away backwards in slow motion. In some way he is a star but he has not too much of the audience since the movie is not a hit in school.
The little star is definitely lonely. He desires for more friends and more understanding of his difference. It is very difficult to portrait an ideal world for children with special needs. It is even harder to truly understand how their minds operate. As a teacher, should we keep telling these kids how they can just be like others? Or, should we or can we stop asking them to be just like others and instead preserve their uniqueness inside them?
Many of the children with special needs I know have the substantial capability to elaborate themselves through art. The creativity I have seen is very unique and incredible. If the education we provide is to help them to be in the main stream, how and when their true abilities can be taken care of? But if these kids cannot even be accepted in the main stream, how can they have a chance to further develop the abilities? The contradiction is discussed in the special education field for years without a real answer. But we all know the ground rule is that taking care of the minds comes before taking care of the abilities.
Maybe the wild kid I know will be a real star like Jim Carrey after certain years. But for now, he probably needs to learn why he can only have a show on a stage but not everywhere.
November 12th, 2005