I am Ting

Why not going to the mountain?

October 26th, 2005

Driving south on the I-405 in a sunny early morning was enjoyable. It seemed like the Mount Rainer was in my arm with its breathtaking quietness pounding on my heart.

I may be not an adventurer, but I love mountains and used to like climbing them. Being burried in homemaking and childcaring is surely not an excuse for not refreshing myself through the ourdoor challenges. Hence, I had a thought of climbing Mt. Rainer right at the moment when I eyed its beauty.

I talked to Mushroom Tau about the idea and suggested do the training and climb it together when parents can help us take care of Fannie. “Hmm… I don’t think it is a good idea. Even we really want to go, we cannot go together. We have Fannie now. There was a person falling from the moutain recently.” I could feel the hesitance in Tau’s tone. Tau used to love mountain climbing. What’s happened? Well, I almost forgot I am a mother when I was in the excitement. Right, who is gonna take care of Fannie if we both have accidents? Right, who can put Fannie to sleep if I have an accident? Fannie will be a poor girl if she does not have a mommy or daddy. Or, right, when you become a parent, you are not yourself alone anymore.

I remember the first time I went skiing when Fannie was five month old, I was frightened even on the easy blue line. I had that weird feeling about losing myself and Fannie. I fell down again and again like I had never skiied before. I kept thinking what made me so different? Was I weaker, less competitive, or was I just not fully recoverd from the tiredness of being on 24/7 childcare duty? More or less, I knew there was something new about the conern or say responsbility, which was not included in the preparation list for a ski trip before.

I am a mother but I am also a person who has interests and dreams. Most mothers compromise for a balance between keeping the family on track and having their dreams fullfilled. I do too and I can feel the fine line between compromising and excusing ourselves. We love Fannie and the conern will always be there. Yet, it seems to be more important to have a full preparation before doing things than not to do it at all.

It is not luxurious to think about going to a mountain. I just need to make sure I will have a well return for my family.

- photo source from http://www.peakware.com/peaks.html?pk=213-

Entry Filed under: 向婷，About Me,西雅圖，Seattle