I am Ting

Why not going to the mountain?

Driving south on the I-405 in a sunny early morning was enjoyable. It seemed like the Mount Rainer was in my arm with its breathtaking quietness pounding on my heart.

I may be not an adventurer, but I love mountains and used to like climbing them. Being burried in homemaking and childcaring is surely not an excuse for not refreshing myself through the ourdoor challenges. Hence, I had a thought of climbing Mt. Rainer right at the moment when I eyed its beauty.

I talked to Mushroom Tau about the idea and suggested do the training and climb it together when parents can help us take care of Fannie. “Hmm… I don’t think it is a good idea. Even we really want to go, we cannot go together. We have Fannie now. There was a person falling from the moutain recently.” I could feel the hesitance in Tau’s tone. Tau used to love mountain climbing. What’s happened? Well, I almost forgot I am a mother when I was in the excitement. Right, who is gonna take care of Fannie if we both have accidents? Right, who can put Fannie to sleep if I have an accident? Fannie will be a poor girl if she does not have a mommy or daddy. Or, right, when you become a parent, you are not yourself alone anymore.

I remember the first time I went skiing when Fannie was five month old, I was frightened even on the easy blue line. I had that weird feeling about losing myself and Fannie. I fell down again and again like I had never skiied before. I kept thinking what made me so different? Was I weaker, less competitive, or was I just not fully recoverd from the tiredness of being on 24/7 childcare duty? More or less, I knew there was something new about the conern or say responsbility, which was not included in the preparation list for a ski trip before.

I am a mother but I am also a person who has interests and dreams. Most mothers compromise for a balance between keeping the family on track and having their dreams fullfilled. I do too and I can feel the fine line between compromising and excusing ourselves. We love Fannie and the conern will always be there. Yet, it seems to be more important to have a full preparation before doing things than not to do it at all.

It is not luxurious to think about going to a mountain. I just need to make sure I will have a well return for my family.

- photo source from http://www.peakware.com/peaks.html?pk=213-

3 comments October 26th, 2005

彩霞滿天 – 給哥哥 Donald

「早也彩霞滿天，暮也彩霞滿天……。」喜歡瓊瑤電影的人，大概都記得這首歌。雖然我不是瓊瑤迷，也是會哼上這一兩句的。

『彩霞滿天』是1979年由林青霞和秦漢主演的電影。因為哥哥的一封E-mail，才依稀記得自己看過這部片。不過當時還是幼稚園的我實在記不得電影內容，更別說對於瓊瑤阿姨的劇作會有特別的觀感。為了看這部老片，發現了一個好的老電影下載網站。帶著期待的心情，嘴裡嚼著說是為Fannie準備Trick-or-Treat的巧克力，哭哭笑笑地看完了這部片。哥哥有兩個跟我相同的嗜好：看電影跟吃東西。然而，哥哥喜歡的電影通常都跟我不太一樣。『彩霞滿天』算是例外，我想是因為那二塊錢就可以一滿杯的甘蔗汁。

書培是個窮藝術系的學生，口袋裡只有兩枚一元的硬幣。天氣很熱，愛的小窩裡的采芹快要受不住了，怎有辦法再忍受書培的責備。采芹哭了，書培自責極了，衝到樓下買了一杯甘蔗汁。「采芹，你看。一杯甘蔗汁要四塊錢，我只有兩塊錢，他竟然給了我一滿杯。你說這世界是不是還頗有人情味的?」先撇開讓香菇韜和我啼笑皆非的瓊瑤式對白，看了這段讓我的心裡亂難受的。甘蔗汁加上人情味，都到那兒去了呢？

哥哥在客戶的訂單間來來回回的奔走，我想他最清楚什麼是現實。在這個什麼都商業化的時代，凡事都講專業、論利益交換。如果有人情，那是天賜的；如果有賣甘蔗汁的，也會有分大、中、小杯。錢不夠，買小的；沒有錢，下一個。社會價值變了，瓊瑤式的飛蛾撲火式情感也似乎失去了市場。現在青春偶像劇再也找不到口袋只有兩塊錢的書培，導演也很難以讓男女主角共飲一杯清涼甘蔗汁的方式來當結尾。雖然瓊瑤的電影現在看起來不切實際，而且相當突兀。不過，留在記憶中的彩霞總是很美，很純樸。

真希望趕快回到台灣，喝一杯板橋媽祖廟口黃石市場的甘蔗汁。我要加檸檬，而且是熱的。不知道攤子還在不在？

2 comments October 26th, 2005