[老師來了，老師來了。] 接下來大家的反應不是趕快就定位, 就是趕快跑。奇怪的是，我為什麼要跟著跑呢?他們說的老師是我媽媽耶。
從小我在[媽媽是老師]的陰影，或者說是庇護下長大的。我媽媽是老師這件事，可以讓我在家裡像在學校，也可以讓我在學校像在家裡。雖然在家裡，一樣要注意整潔秩序；要與兄長互敬互愛；做事情要不屈不撓，有始有終；要敦親睦鄰，守望相助；還要立志做大事。最讓我苦悶的是樣樣都得被打分數，而且從來不會有一百分，因為聽說這樣才有進步的空間。
在學校可舒服些了。雖然在學校，雨衣，水壺，便當，都可以到老師辦公室拿；生病了可以到老師辦公室休息；放學可以不用排路隊；當然還包括享受同學的注視的眼光。最重要的是，當你有一個是老師的爸媽，在校成績通常都會不錯。不是第一名，應該也有第二名。因此，我們這些爸媽是老師的小孩就自然而然成為一個類別，稱為: 老師的小孩。(注釋: 守規矩，通常成績好，模範生典型。但有膽子小,不喜冒險的傾向。)
我媽媽不但是老師，而且是明星老師。記得媽媽常帶我去學校附近的菜市場買菜。[老師，來給我買啦，我算你ㄎㄚ便宜。] [老師，這邊啦，我的柑子比較美啦。]看見老闆們爭先恐後搶著讓媽媽到攤子裡看看，心想媽媽的感覺不知像不像被追著要簽名的影視明星。當然，要成為明星老師，享受買菜打折，年年堆積如山的中秋禮餅，也是得有好幾把刷子的。除了教學方法得要領，重要的是要能夠眼觀四面，耳聽八方；要精讀心術，還得樣樣通, 說是得像如來佛也不為過。難怪我們老是覺得什麼事都逃不過媽媽的手掌心。媽媽的大眼睛可以測謊，高亢的聲音可以不用麥克風陣住一個體育場的吵雜。難，難，這真的是非常難。
我沒有想過要當老師，因為我已經有一個媽媽是老師了。她的影響力所及，已經讓我不用當老師都知道當老師的滋味了。然而，二十年後的現在，我卻成為一個老師。當我被讚美具有教學天份的時候，第一個想到的就是媽媽；當我被小搗蛋們氣得吹鬍子瞪眼睛，威脅利誘全都失效時，就不得不讚嘆明星媽媽的名副其實。站在講台上的老師，除了是自己，更是個導演兼編劇。要寫一齣好看的劇本，要導一齣精采的戲。節奏掌握要適當，還得有隨時變換腳本的能力，實在是不容易啊。
寫到這裡，想到媽媽可能會鼓勵我 [不要氣餒，再接再厲]，或者是 [這一次60分，下一次就80分了］。聽起來像是跟小學生說的，不過，難道不是這樣子的嗎? 沒想到過了許多年，我這才聽懂了母親的話。
October 21st, 2005
Fannie’s litte feet are stronger and faster day by day. Everywhere she had been to was messy but full of happiness. This is why daddy and mommy think it is ok to let the little monster scribble on the floor and pull out all the clothes in the closet. Beyond infancy, little Fannie knows where she can find surprises and how she can make wonders.
Fannie likes every drawer, box, shelf, and hole in the house. They are like magic boxes to her. ” I saw mommy getting something good to eat from this. Let me try to open it. Hoops! wrong way. Ok, here I go. Ouch, my fingers. They hurt. Wawawa..wawa…wa.. hmm… Mommy is not looking…no fun to be crying. Let me see what’s inside. Wow…Looks like something fun. Let me dump them out one by one, let me shake them, let me……. Mommy is not coming. Keep going. Faster! Faster!”
Fannie’s adventures usually involve crying: Fake crying, attention-getting crying, really-hurt crying, and getting-bored crying. These cryings usually end up with mommy or daddy’s rubbing Fannie’s fingers, head, or knees, pulling Fannie away, saying “no” to Fannie, or letting Fannie go. It is pretty typical for children at Fannie’s age to use crying as a strategy to get what they want. It is an age when children are testing their abilities to manipulate things around them, and seeking the balance between dependence and independence. Fannie is the same. Fannie cries if we don’t let her play whatever she wants to; She also cries if she simply feels unright. Fannie gets mad if we want to help her with things; She also gets mad if we don’t help. (hmm… why does this sound like me?)
As a parent, I start to wonder how I can let Fannie enjoy her adventures but keep her content and safe. How can I find the balance between how I want her to be like and she might want to be like? It is a unique question to every parent and may be also a question our parents had been asking themselves through our childhood. No parent can do a perfect job since parenting is too much about value and philosophy. How can I ask Fannie to agree on everything we do for her? What I can really hope for is Fannie can enjoy the autonomy and be happy and confident.
Looking at Fannie’s bright eyes and funny giggles, the enjoyment of being a parent is obvious. Yet, the responsbility is heavy. Twenty years from now, I still want to see my girl with that shinny eyes and smiles on her face. As happy as she is fascinated by the adventures, I feel fulfilled.
October 21st, 2005